The Essential (Incomplete) Guide to Dating Part II - How to Hurt Your Partner

Indifference. Callous indifference.

That's all it takes, and it's a wonderful tool, really - it tells the other person that you really Just. Don't Care.

You can make it worse by caring about someone else's similar situation.

And then add the whole "do-what's-best" thing.

There. Foolproof formula, works like a charm.

Now, I'm no expert on relationships, but I'm pretty certain that reassurance plays a key role in holding things together at some basic level. We have this need for reassurance, usually unconscious.

It's important to your partner to know that you care, and that makes it important for you to show them you care. Ergo, one of the easiest ways to hurt your partner is to be indifferent. Callously so, if you can pull it off. Say "okay" or "cool" for everything. Make it a point to never, ever, show him/her how much he/she means to you. Do this for a while, say, about a month or so, and one of two things will happen. Either he/she will find his/her self-esteem crumbling and his/her insecurities (whatever they may be, even unrelated), multiplying, or he/she will walk out of your life, hate you, and curse your existence.

Now here's where it gets interesting. If your partner loves you, is in love with you, and thinks the world of you, your indifference will usually lead to the former reaction.

Why, you ask?

Because reassurance, trust, and love go hand-in-hand. When someone you love (with an intensity that scares even you) is indifferent, it makes you feel flawed, even when you aren't. It makes you question yourself, makes you feel worthless, makes you look in the mirror and have thoughts similar to the following : "Why doesn't he/she care about me? What can I possibly do to make him/her care? It's because I'm unattractive, isn't it? He/she thinks I'm not worth it, not worth the time. Oh god, I wish I was prettier/smarter/thinner/taller/.../..."

And that's how it works.

If you want to be especially cruel, be indifferent for a few weeks, and then be the most loving, giving, caring, person you could possibly be - for a day, or even just a few hours. Pay generic compliments, look deep into your partner's eyes and don't say anything, apologise for being such an awful human being, and hold him/her tight for a while. Then, once he/she is out of sight, go back to the indifference - you can almost feel the pain. It's so...raw.

Now, somewhere along this process, you may realise that you're being an asshole, and your brain (yes, brain - "logic" absolutely has to be your fall-back excuse here, also, the heart just ruins everything with all that mushy crap) will try and justify your behaviour so that your conscience just shuts the f**k up. Go with it. It will make you genuinely believe that you're doing nothing wrong, leading to even more indifference. Isn't that just absolutely wonderful?

So, to summarise :
1. Be indifferent
2. Let yourself show some emotion every once in a while
3. Go back to being indifferent.

1, 2, 3 - it really is as simple as that.