Itai desu.

When they first met, she fell so hard, it scared her right out of her mind. And so, she did what she does best - she ran. Desperately, refusing to accept the possibility that she could really be happy.

In the three years that followed, she never got over him. He was always on her mind : His smile, the way he was always teasing her, the way he looked right into her soul every time he looked into her eyes...

Guilt? Yes, there was guilt. Guilt so strong, sometimes it felt like she couldn't breathe. It took so much effort to get out of bed every morning, to go through classes, projects, assignments, with all that guilt pulling her down, pulling her back. But the guilt was easy to deal with.

It was the pain that finally forced her to come back.


To find him in someone else's arms.

When a heart breaks, it shatters in silence. True story.

Have you ever wondered what gut-wrenching, soul-searing pain feels like?

It's the way you feel when you see what you could have had...when you know that you chose to let go of everything you ever wanted. It's knowing that you made a stupid mistake - and not being able to do anything about it but smile.

So she smiles. Puts on her mask when she meets him, puts on a smile when he talks about his girlfriend, puts up her defences whenever he puts his arms around her.

If she didn't, the pain would kill her.

She locks away that complete ease and sense of freedom she has when she's with him, forcefully reminds herself that he's happy now.

He doesn't need her.

He doesn't feel the same way.

He got over her, over what they had.

He's happy - with someone else.

Let him be. Let them be.


Nobody said it was easy...no one ever said it would be this hard.




It hurts.






(Special thanks to Miyuki-chan)